Parenting An Angry Child

There's a secret to understanding anger, and it isrelease that anger by lashing out at someone else.
simple. Anger, almost always, is not the first reactionYour child will send signals when the anger has
someone has to a situation; there is a prior emotionsubsided enough that you can begin a calm discussion
like disappointment or sadness which precedes theabout its cause; it may take you a few false starts
anger.to learn to read them, but eventually you will.
Parenting angry kids can be difficult; sometimes it canWhen you do settle down for your talk, limit it to a
be nearly impossible.discussion of facts. Let your child tell you the specific
But understanding anger itself, and realizing that it'sthing you did, or failed to do, that triggered the
not only healthy, but essential, for kids to expressanger. Don't interrupt with your explanation; you'll only
anger, will start them on the road to learning toleave you child feeling frustrated. Parenting an angry
express it appropriately and not in ways harmful tokid can be challenging!
others and to themselves.Once you're sure your child has nothing left to offer
Even so, the first time a child announces that he oron the topic of how your actions were responsible
she hates Mom, or Dad, or both, can be very painful.for his or her outburst, start brainstorming on what
But it's almost certain to happen at least once, andthe two of you can do to avoid such a confrontation
when it does, you can exercise some techniques forin the future.
parenting angry children which will help both you andInviting children to solve the problem is an extremely
your child survive and live to laugh another day.empowering gesture, and lets them know that their
When you feel your own simmering dislike of theplace in a relationship with you does count.
way in which your child is behaving begin to heat toYou may be surprised that your child's anger is
an uncomfortable level, just stop, focus on a spot onsometimes justified. Sometimes parents promise to
the all, count to three, or ten, any number of yourdo something without really paying attention to what
choice and restore your equilibrium.they are saying, and do not realize that their children
The worst thing you could do is respond to yourare taking them seriously.
child's anger in kind and get sucked into a powerOr they erroneously blame their children for
struggle. You have the power; your child knows it;something without getting all the facts. If you find
and that's why he or she is testing you.you have done that, simply apologize. Parenting an
Let your child know that you hear the anger and thatangry kid will require you to accept responsibility for
as soon as it has subsided, you'll have a conversationyour own shortcomings.
about what caused it. Don't try to talk the child outAbove all, no matter how angry your child is at you,
of feeling what he or she so obviously does feel;be ready when the outburst is over to let him or her
whether or not you think the anger is justified is notknow that it's okay to be angry, that you sometimes
the issue.become very angry, and that your child's anger is no
The anger is real, and you need to let you child knowmatch for you love.
that while it's okay to be angry, it's not okay to