| You see this look? The quivering lip, the
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| | for all I know, there won't be other
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| flared nostrils, the trickle of sweat
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| | children there. This girl's a great kid,
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| meandering down my cheek? This is
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| | but how many friends can a young lass
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| fear.I've been invited to a birthday
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| | like that have at the age of two, anyway?
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| party tomorrow. It's not my birthday, so
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| | I know I didn't have any guests at my
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| that's not the scary part.The party is at
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| | second birthday party.(Or twenty-second.
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| a friend's house. A couple, actually.
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| | Or thirty-second, for that matter. Those
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| Nice people. Hardly scary at all.The
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| | were not fun parties. That's a lot of
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| party is for their daughter's second
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| | donkey tails for one guy to pin.)Also,
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| birthday.There it is. FEAR. Can't you
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| | I'm not sure what I should get the girl
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| almost hear the spooky Psycho '*enk! enk!
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| | for a birthday present. I don't remember
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| enk!*' music?To be fair, it's not their
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| | turning two myself, and have never been a
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| daughter that frightens me. Frankly, if
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| | girl, as far as I know. So how can I know
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| anything, she's scared of me. I don't
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| | what she'd like?For instance, I might buy
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| know why; we've always gotten along well.
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| | many of my friends a nice bottle of wine
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| I never use her forehead during
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| | for their birthdays. But she's so young.
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| pattycakes, and I even gave back her
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| | Who knows if she's made it past the
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| nose, after I pretended to steal it. I'm
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| | whites and into the reds yet? Is she
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| a good Uncle Charlie.(Maybe it's
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| | still drinking white zinfandel? Has she
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| instinctual, somehow. Lots of women are
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| | settled into merlots? What's the right
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| frightened of me, so maybe she's just a
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| | accompaniment for strained carrots,
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| quick learner. Perhaps she'll even take
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| | anyway? It's a disaster.There's always
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| out a restraining order some day -- just
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| | jewelry, I guess. Women like jewelry,
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| as soon as she learns to sign her
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| | right? But I've seen this girl playing
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| name.)Actually, her parents tell me it's
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| | with her toys; she's still in that
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| a 'phase' the kid's going through.
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| | 'everything into the mouth' phase. I
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| Starting a few months ago, she became
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| | might give her a nice necklace, and next
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| more aloof towards men, and only seems to
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| | thing you know we're checking her dirty
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| warm up to them when they have something
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| | diapers to see if she's passed the pearls
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| she needs. They figure she'll grow out of
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| | she swallowed.No, I'm just going to play
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| it.(Sure. Right after menopause, if most
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| | it safe, and do what I do for most women
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| women I know are any indication. But I
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| | I buy gifts for -- I'll give her a gift
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| digress.)The point is -- one two-year-old
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| | certificate, and she can buy exactly what
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| kid, I'm okay with. But what if she has
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| | she wants. I'm not sure where yet --
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| friends? I'm anticipating a veritable
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| | maybe I'll stop by Nordstrom's, or Bed,
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| toddler posse, running and screaming and
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| | Bath and Beyond on the way over there
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| falling and pulling and kicking and
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| | tomorrow. Maybe she's into Victoria's
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| poking and putting their fingers into
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| | Secret; I don't know. She could buy a
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| orifices where they don't belong -- and
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| | thong, and use it for a hammock, maybe.
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| not always their own orifices, either!
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| | That'd work, right?I don't pretend to
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| I've read about these things!I don't
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| | know the right answers. I'm just hoping
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| personally have a lot of experience with
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| | to make it through tomorrow without
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| large groups of children -- for basically
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| | birthday cake in my hair, or somebody
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| the same reasons that I don't have much
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| | else's finger up my nose. Wish me luck,
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| experience with large packs of hungry
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| | eh?Charlie Hatton is an overzealous
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| wolves. They're dangerous, they're
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| | blogger and aspiring standup comedian
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| shifty, and they often smell a little
| |
| | offering smart, sophisticated humor about
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| gamey. Also, they'll turn on you at a
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| | life, language, and the size of his
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| moments' notice and eat you alive. I
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| | naughty bits. He writes near-daily and
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| won't even go into the claws and the
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| | mostly randomly at Where the Hell Was I?
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| sharp pointy teeth. Too scary.Of course,
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|
